When Relaxing Isn’t Relaxing: Chronic Pain & Self-Care
Issue No. 5: Stressed Out!
Words - Becca Human
Illustration - Hannah Dykes
I kept a running list of the activities my chronic pain had made more difficult. Speed-walking, stair-climbing, heavy lifting…these were all inconveniences, but livable ones, obstacles I could tolerate. It wasn’t until after a particularly long day of class and work that my pain finally crossed over an unforgivable line: binge-watching.
Feelings by Hannah Dykes
I was curled in bed, laptop propped open, Netflix playing. And yet, I couldn’t relax. My entire body still thrummed with pain–sore muscles, achy joints, and a fatigued brain that could barely comprehend what was on the screen. After failing to comprehend an entire episode, I gave up, closed my laptop, and despaired. The stress, tension, and exhaustion from my day lingered; Netflix wasn’t working. But what could possibly be less stressful than lying in bed and watching TV?
The inability to relax has been one of the most taxing symptoms of my chronic illness since being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. Muscling through a day at work is one thing, but when pain intrudes on the parts of my day I hold most sacred–time meant to be spent relaxing–my life starts to feel more and more ruled by my chronic pain. I’m not alone; many people in my life who suffer from chronic pain share my experience, especially other women. Women are more likely to suffer from chronic pain than men, and yet, women are also often less likely to be prescribed pain medication. A combination of disbelieving doctors, vague diagnoses, and pervasive social stigma means many women are left alone and in pain, delegated to “pain management” as opposed to true solutions.
Chronic pain not only introduces a new set of stressors, it also eliminates traditional stress-relieving solutions. Long-term stress solutions–like eating well and exercising frequently–can become difficult or even impossible with a limited energy supply. And even self-indulgent stress-relieving solutions–like watching TV, going to the spa, or sleeping, yes, even sleeping!–can become tainted, made uncomfortable by the simple and undeniable fact of ever-present pain. Even for those of us who are practiced pain patients, discomfort is still discomfort. Self-care solutions that relieve stress for many women simply fail to meet the needs of the millions of us who suffer from chronic pain.
The stress of chronic pain is real, and the stress of existing with physical limitations joins with and compounds upon the day-to-day stress of moving, living, and working. But just because stressful symptoms are unavoidable does not mean folks with chronic pain are boxed out of self-care forever. While chronic pain is often highly individual and exact stress-relieving activities will vary widely from person to person, there are a few things we can do to help facilitate that self-care.
First, don’t be afraid to talk about it! Chronic pain affects around 20% of adults in America. Whether it’s due to injury, disability, or chronic illness, your pain is not a personal failing, and it is not an isolated incident. Being able to address our pain directly and articulate exactly what we feel is essential to taking steps towards feeling better. Whether it’s opening up to loved ones or talking to a therapist, sorting through your emotions aloud is important in reducing the stress that comes with chronic pain.
Second, get second opinions and challenge your doctor. Unfortunately, gender stereotypes are still all too common in the medical profession. Even when pain is real, doctors often believe women are exaggerating their pain or that their pain is caused by emotional distress. I remember wanting to throw my chair against the wall when a specialist once told me he “wasn’t too concerned” about my daily pain levels. You know who was concerned about my daily pain levels? My daily self! And so was a second specialist, who actually prescribed me medications that helped. If your doctor isn’t helping you, recognize it, and dump them. Your doctor should reduce, not increase, your stress levels.
Finally, trust yourself deeply and listen to your body. I can’t do everything I used to do before I got sick, and I can’t enjoy everything that used to relieve my stress. It’s not easy to accept that sometimes, but it’s important. If your body is telling you it can’t do something, listen and adjust. If you find something that works, hold onto it shamelessly! Allow yourself some indulgence if it helps relax your stressed-out body.
Stress relief may be more difficult for those of us with chronic pain, but it’s also a skill that we can learn how to master. My illness has taught me how to be in-tune with myself, how to trust my body, and how to take care of it. That’s self-care at its best.
